It must have been over one of the holidays, I was up at Steve's parents, the boys were all off somewhere, most likely down in the basement working on the display train table.  The women were in the living room: my sister-in-law Shelley, her newborn (a little girl born into a world of two brothers) my mother-in-law, her mother, and Nanny (Steve's paternal Grandmother); and there we were, circling Shelley as she sat on the couch with baby Madeleine in her lap.  If I remember correctly, Madeleine was lying on her back on her mother's lap and Shelley was holding her head gently, swaying her legs back and forth.  The women were cooing at Madeleine, commenting on how cute she was, how much she looked like Shel, offering advice on rasing girls.  I was standing back and was hit so hard with the history that was unfolding before me, all these generations gathering around the new life.

I wonder if it is exactly the same since the beginning of Grandmothers and great Grandmothers, in every culture.

To come together...gather round and make comments like "She is too cold, cover her head"..."No no no, she is too hot, let her have some fresh air", kissing her, smelling her, taking turns rocking her with their eyes closed and the baby's cheek up to theirs. Going back to their own stories of when they had newborns...

I so badly wanted to capture it, the feeling of family and generations and traditions, but I did not have my camera with me.  Madeleine is older now, but I have not let go of that moment and have been on the lookout ever since for a similar feeling to capture.

When I edit my weddings I make lists of which images need to be worked on or moved, if you were to look over the list you would see some with little stars next to them that say "mine".  They are the ones I KNOW God gave me: I remember the moment I took these shots that God was blessing me in an incredible way.  I give these shots to the bride but I want to move them into my own personal folder so that I won't forget what God has done for me. Many of them are never shown to anyone (except the bride) because it is a sweet correspondence between God and I.  Sometimes I will stumble upon a picture that, in the flow of the day, I did not realize the impact of the image until later when it is up my screen and those are extra special, because it is like God tucked them away for me to find later. 

This is one of those surprises below, she was  in a rush to get down to the reception and all her most loved women were pressed in around her bustling her dress and fixing her makeup and hair, and there it is, my feeling looking back at me.  I love how there are no faces in the image, it could be any one of us women, we have all felt it at some point in our life..universal ties that hem us in with love.

Don't you think the most poignant times in a woman's life,  when her women gather around, are the day she marries and the day she becomes a mother?     It is when all the deepest relationships come forward and also the family bonds surface. The new Mother or bride is vulnerable, usually tears are pushing  at the edges all day, and she is beautifully raw.

I have been there, I am a wife and a mother and I am so moved when I stand there witnessing it in someone elses life,   I wish I could journal at the same time.  I tried to bring a tiny voice recorder once, but it is not possible to talk into it without raising attention.  I want to give these women what I would want--a memory--someone there to remember for me, because the emotions are too intense and it is all happening so fast. She might forget, or maybe not notice.

I did a funeral once.  The mother came to me, gripping my arm: "Do this for me.  I am in so much pain and shock I won't remember anything, and," she pleaded, "I have to remember...I have to remember every detail."  It hurt to be there, but I would need the same thing.  I did it for her.

THAT is my heartbeat for these women: they are so in love, so busy with emotion that they can't help but miss some of the feelings in the air, the small gestures and looks and smiles.

It is authentic life, ripe with emotions unfolding before me and I am allowed to be there to witness all the intimacies--all the emotions.