My friend Jenean came over and one of the first things out of her mouth was "Here, you have to hold him he is in such a good mood today, I don't want you miss it!"  She was right her little man Eli was in a grand mood, how can that not be contagious?!  So I took a picture to sprinkle a little of Eli's mood on your day as well.

Sunday, I picked up Coco from her class and found her dancing on tip toes, waving a blur of colors in front of my face, and saying very gidd-ily  "The teacher told me I can hang it in my room!"  Followed quickly by "I asked Daddy and he said 'Yes'!"  I looked over at Steve and he shrugged and said "The stickers glow in the dark."

And that is how it happens, slowly with little things like a teacher using up leftover VBS craft supplies.  One by one these things creep into their room until one day it looks like New years Eve right after the ball drops in NYC,  chaos everywhere, all bright primary colors with hopes of a nicely decorated room flying out the window.

Below is a photo of my Dad and Chloe. My parents came over for Dinner because we do not get to see them as much as we would like to.  It was just exactly what we hoped it to be, Mom came with a bag of goodies for the kids and she was asking to see all my projects around the home.  Dad talked to Steve and I about Theology and a hundred other things and it just felt good to see my kids fighting for their laps and attention.

I remember the feeling..what it was like to see my mom smile, she had a special smile just for me.  A special smile for all six of us.  She would put every single ounce of herself into the smile, and I would feel safe and loved.  Like she was saying to me in that smile "Joanna Beth I love you unconditionally and I like you".

Sometimes at night when I was scared in the dark, I would sneak down the steps, I knew I was supposed to be in bed, but the couch was right below the banister and if I could just get her to look up at me and smile I would have the strength to go back to bed.  She didn't have to say anything, just smile at me and all would be better.

My father was different, you have to picture John Wayne or Clint Eastwood when you picture my father.   His smile was more like a twitch at the side of his mouth, so subtle that you would miss it if you did not know him personally.  But that little turning up along with the slight nod of his head and you knew you got it, his approval, and oh it meant the world.

So knowing all of this, I have been asking myself lately, 'Why am I so careless with my expressions with my own children?'  One time I felt it, sensed it, that I had my stress face on and was curious to see what my kids have to see and tried to freeze frame my face until I got the mirror... it looked much worse than I thought.  My first thought was to set the camera on timer and take a picture of how ridiculous I look when I am impatient or stressed so that I can remember what my family has to look at when I am not careful.  I thought maybe if I put it in key places my closet, my medicine cabinet, they can serve as reminders.

One time Eti was going through a stage of eating with his mouth open and we could not get him to understand how rude it was, so I picked him up while he was still chewing and carried him by the arm pits to the bathroom mirror and told him to open his mouth so he could see what we have to look at.  He threw up, it grossed him out so bad he threw up all over the sink.  But he doesn't chew with his mouth open anymore.

I was hoping that would work with me, one look at how stupid I look when I am tense and Bam I would be cured.

It is not so easy with me.  But in the last few weeks I have been thinking of it in a different light, instead of trying so hard not to look stressed, I am focusing more on smiling. 

I only have my children for these few short years where they really need MY smile, where with just my expression I can tell them how much I do love them.

Etienne burst through the back door after school announcing he has his first "wobbly" tooth and that everyone can have a turn wiggling it, and 'who would like to be first?'.

Julie took Etienne and Chloe today for a play date with her kids.   I had a very very quiet house. I down loaded The Secret Life Of Bees from the Library and listened to it being read.  I made a collage and sat in the silence.  I made Indian food, and when Jeff came home we drew pictures together.  Just he and I alone in the house, I made him a snack and we sat at the table and he called it a date.    Dawn  sent me this bracelet in the mail, that I wore it all day and kept smiling about, it took a while to open the package because i did not want the anticipation to be over.  A friend called and said the most perfect thing to me that encouraged me for the rest of the day. 

It was a very nice day, oh and Juls sent my kids home with sweets that she baked.

That was the cherry on the top of my day.

Quotes of the week from Augustine:

"Every undisciplined soul is its own punishment." (pg 18)

"The soul is unfaithful to You, when it turns away from You and seeks outside You the things it cannot find in pure and unmixed form until it returns to You. All who forsake You and set themselves up against You, are acting in perverse imitation of You." (pg 39)

"Oh God of hosts, turn us around and show us your face, and we will be saved (Ps 80:7. Ps 79:8) For in whichever direction the soul of man turns, unless it turns to You, it is transfixed on things that cause pain-even if it is fixed on things that are beautiful but outside you." (Pg 74)

"With Him is the place of rest untroubled, where love is not abandoned." (pg 75)

"The good that you love is from Him, but it is good and pleasing only so far as it is considered in relation to him." (pg 76)