     Today held so much emotion for me. I knew I would be aware of the date January 5th . It is the date we got the call and discovered who our little baby was. It does not seem like a year ago that we all met at the supermarket around the corner from my parent's house. My Mom and Dad had six kids and love to hear that their children are having more babies. Each time we tell Mom one of us is expecting she cries with joy. You can imagine the happy expectation we had since 2008 waiting to see who her newest granddaughter would be! We all wanted to surprise her. Most of my siblings were there, we walking together to Mom and Dad's and I remember when Mom pulled Tsega's picture out of the gift bag I cried and cried and cried because I loved Tsega so much already. To me it felt exactly like giving birth to a child but not being able to hold her or see her. I did not get much done today I spent most if my time looking at my baby. It comes in waves "Wow, the wait is over, she is really here!" I sewed her a little jacket from this pattern as a gift to her in honor of the day. I have always dreamed of sewing clothes for my girls. I finally made a dress for Coco and her doll (She is the oldest girl and I wanted to make sure she knew I have not forgotten her) and now it was time for me to make Seg something so I chose today to finish it. "I find that including so much handmade in our family life helps us to lead simpler, more mindful days." Amanda Soule There is no rocking chair in my room, there is no room for one. At Seg's nap time I stretch out on the bed and she lays on my chest. I sing to her and talk softly in Amharic so that we both will not forget, and then her breathing slows. She sucks her two middle fingers and has her other hand under her head. I can feel her curly hair on my cheek. Every single time she falls asleep it feels like a gift. At other times during the day, when I am finished changing her, I let her stand up on the changing table and jump into my arms. She doesn't really jump it is more like free falling. Eti saw it the other day and said "Wow, Mom she really trusts you!". Yes, I think that as well, but It is when she falls asleep on my chest that I feel she trusts me the most. Here is what really gets me. When we are done with the Amharic I whisper "I love you" and every single time, she lifts her head, pats my chest, and says almost in a whisper "Mama" and I say "Yes i'm your Mama" and she coos and wiggles in closer and then falls asleep. That to me is trust. That is why long after she is asleep I am still laying there in the dark feeling her little weight on my chest and thanking God over and over again for my children. I did not know, I just did not know she was going to trust me and see me as her Mom. We would have loved her just the same if she couldn't or wouldn't accept us. But I am deeply deeply grateful, on this day, the day we found out about HER, that she does open her little heart to me. |