The Princess of Rohan

Her name is Éowyn.

Éowyn is Jeff's dog, so he got to name her.  He named her after a princess in The Lord of The Rings.  He named her almost without hesitation--he knew right away.

If Steve had his way he would have two dogs and name them Goodness and Mercy because of an inspiring Sunday school class on Psalm 23, where the leader had talked about Goodness and Mercy following us like two sheep dogs.

We hid her in a box addressed to Jeff.  HE HAD NO CLUE--it was a fantastic surprise.  I could not calm my heart that day, I was too excited.

Jeff kept coming up to me and saying "I feel like I am in a dream, am I dreaming?"

She is almost eight weeks old

She is part Australian Shepherd, part Border Collie

We got her through an Australian Shepherd rescue program.  They were incredibly professional, and well run.

They did a home study, which cracks us up.  This is our fourth homestudy (two for Fresh Air Fund and one for the adoption).  Our home is apparently a very studied home.

She and her mother and 8 siblings were rescued from a "high kill" shelter in WV and brought to a foster home in NJ.  There are notes and photos all along the way and all of the people involved want to keep in touch to know how she is doing.  The lady in the foster home was a vet; also in her home was a blind and deaf dog and a dog with three legs.

Grandma brought over her Benny to meet Éowyn.  They look like they are ignoring each other here, but really a good time was had by all.

Éowyn also met the rabbit, who is bigger than her--for now.  It was the first time she barked, and the bark lifted her off the ground.  The rabbit continued to eat his hay.

She has only barked one other time, when her new chew toy squeaked, and she yelped and ran over to Steve for protection.

Several times I have found Éowyn sitting on the living room floor completely surrounded by tiny plastic tea cups and plates with little doggy kibble in each cup and Coco sitting close by happy as a lark.

Steve whispers to me "Chloe needs a sister."

She drinks too fast and gets the hiccups.

When I am doing laundry, she runs away with some of the socks.

Some of the socks are longer than her and they are dragging behind her on the floor.

She waits with me for Jeff to get off the bus. She sleeps on his sneakers, coat or whatever she can find that smells like him.  I am praying praying praying they will have a "Lassie" bond.

Jeff said today "I know I have my list of chores to do each day but I do not think I am doing enough can I have some more?"

Now, who would not want to give this boy a puppy?!

We chose her out of the litter of nine because she has Jeffs personality, she is the sweetest, calmest thing.

I must be out of my ever-lovin' mind

As if our lives needed more craziness...

Look who we went and adopted this weekend!

IF

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

                                             --Rudyard Kipling

Time capsule

When we were young we would make time capsules.  I know where my brother Joel hid his, it is under a huge rock at the park we went to growing up.  He dug a deep hole in the front of the rock on the left side.  I know where I hid mine, it was in Carol Murphys backyard, there was a loose stone in the wall and I tucked it back in there. 

I have always loved the idea of leaving something behind to find years from now.

I am trying to finish an album of my childhood so I have been sorting through all of the things I have saved over the past years.  Today I came across a list and it felt just like a time capsule.

I was 19 when I got married and was afraid that my identity was over.  Not at all because of Steve but because I had never met a woman who was married and had interests or even a personality of her own.  That sounds terrible to say but it is true. Or at least my perception felt true.  My mom read but they were books my father was interested in, she would sew, crochet and knit but it was always gifts for us. 

Especially in my teen years I wanted to see what she was interested in, find out who she was but I would go away feeling like in the midst of having kids she completely lost herself.  She did not pursue any friendships.  If you had asked me back then to describe what my father was interested in you would be there for an hour and I would still be talking about who he was.  If you then asked me about my mom, well everyone who knows her thinks the world of her, she is sweet as can be, and selfless, even last week a stranger came up to me at church and asked me if I was Billie Jean's daughter and went on to tell me some story about the kindness of my mother.  So growing up she was always on a pedestal but at the same time I wanted more than that: I wanted to know her as a person, to see her filled with joy in some avenue of life. So I would have trouble describing her interests.  I called my mom and talked to her about this post just to make sure she was completely okay with me talking about it.

I did not know until I had my own children that making things for your children is a hobby, it is not altogether selfless because the process is so rewarding.  There is art in picking out the colors and the fabrics and the expectation of joy in the moment when the child will see it and then the fun of watching the child enjoy what you created.  I did not know until I had my own children that my mom was an artist.  Even though it was for someone else, it was a creative outlet and an expression of her.

That first year of marriage I made a list of all the things I was interested in, all the things that I felt defined who I was as a person.  I would refer to the list whenever the old fears would surface.  In truth, the first five years were good.  None of those fears were realized.  Steve and I both grew a lot and had freedom to pursue our interests.

Five years later, pregnant with Jeff, I was convinced, "This is it, this is when I lose everything.  Marriage has been wonderful, so it must be kids that does it."

The sisters and I made a list together one afternoon.  It lists about twenty five things we all loved at that time.  Have you ever made a list like that?  (post it I would love to read it!)

Now ten years later I found our list, We all had totally forgotten about it.  It really was like a time capsule because we have changed so much.  It was hilarious to read it!  I facebooked it to Juls and Jan and we all loved comparing how we have changed and what has stayed the same.

So today I am working on a new list.   The sisters are going to do the same so we can tuck it away for another ten years.

Some things that have struck me, things that I have been thinking about all day:

My list now, 15 years later than my first list, is much shorter.  I am coming into my own more and understanding what it is that I really do love and not spreading myself thin in other areas.  I am narrowing it down. My life is more simple in those regards.

The core list has not changed, there are things that I have loved since I can remember and I believe they will be on my list ten years from now, forty years from now.  I am sure that is true for all of us...who we were at thirteen is for the most part still us today.

From as far back as my memory goes, and on all of my lists Photography was at the top.   Quotes, reading, antiques, were on every list.  Decorating, cooking, nature are a few more.  And India has always been there.  I love other cultures, but especially India.  Steve worked with a great woman named Varsha, and she invited me to go to a dance recital with her.  That is where these photos are from.  The music, smells and food were all so so good!

Another thought that has been running through my mind is that the things on the list are not, after all, what makes me happy.

What I was so afraid of when I was 19

is now what I know makes me the most happy.

Sitting with my children and reading to them,

looking them in the eye and listening to what is on their mind,

hugging them,

holding their hand,

creating traditions for them, 

surprising them,

hearing my husband laugh,

sharing a book with Steve,

talking late into the night,

following Steve.

Experiences with people go deeper than creating and pursuing interests and do more to help me feel grounded and alive than any other interest.

I am not following the same exact  footprints as my mother--I do have friendships that I pursue.  There are books that I read purely for entertainment and for the joy of reading.  I have art in my life that has nothing to do with the children but I have found the joy in including them so they are next to me creating their own thing.  My kids see my personality and I love to foster theirs. I am learning the balance of entering into their little worlds and showing them windows into mine.  I still fight the guilt because it feels selfish at times but I work past it for Chloe's sake, for Ethi's sake and I stumble each day through my "new normal".

"I tell you the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people."

--Van Gogh in a letter to his brother

postcards

*Shot with my fisheye  Lomo camera that I am in love with.

 I found Eti crawling on his stomach in the most dramatic fashion towards the water, as if it were a mirage and he had been stranded for days in the blazing heat of the desert.

We spent some time at Jockeys Ridge.  It is one of the locations that would bring me back year after year because there is so much to explore.  

My mom stayed behind, choosing to rest on a park bench.  My dad joined us--he loves this place as much as we do.  Eti is holding his little wooden rubberband gun and Jeff has his new wooden sword.

A few years ago I did something that hurt my sister Janet.  I do not remember anymore what the offense was but I do remember, and will always remember, her response.  On a slip of paper she wrote "Tabula Rasa".  It is a Latin phrase that literally means "Scraped tablet" (a tablet from which the writing has been erased).

The Sea reminds me of Tabula Rasa, I was looking out at the water praying and confessing and such a sweet passage came to mind:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation.

In quietness and trust is your strength."  Isa 30:15

On this morning I woke at 6 am and walked down alone to see the pink sky and orange sun as it rose for me.

Three sets of deer prints were in the sand.  I followed the deep inprints for a long time.

Down by where the sand meets water, there were crab holes everywhere and delicate bird prints.

The waves came tumbling up with such force.  At the same time there was an alternating side current. The water rolled, and then the foam came and lastly the thin arch of water that slowly slid back out to sea.

The sky reflects off that last sheet of water, making it look metallic, and after it retreats, the sand is flawless, smooth as marble, all clean and new.  No animal prints, everything is wiped clean and made like new.

That is what the Lord does for me. 

I knew what Janet was saying when she wrote "Tabula Rasa", she was saying  "I forgive you and I will not bring it back to mind.  It is as if it did not happen."

This week I started praying the sermon on the mount (Matthew 5) especially the action ones, the ones we do vs. the ones done to us.

"I pray that I will realize my need for You (poor in spirit)

I pray I will be gentle and lowly

I pray I will hunger and thirst for justice

I pray I will be merciful

I pray that my heart will be pure

I pray that I will work for peace..."

Reading back over these journal notes from our vacation, I'm reminded to forgive, to be merciful, because the Lord has forgiven for so much.

I grabbed one of the poetry books my dad had in his bookshelf and brought it to the beach.   When I opened the book to read some poems to the kids I found that my father had already put little bookmarks in all of the poems about the sea.

 *As soon as the weather hits 70 degrees, Eti strips off his shirt and shoes and we do not see him fully clothed again until late fall.  Many many times we will be driving somewhere and Eti will say "Uh, guys, I don't have any shoes on," and then we have to drive back home to clothe him.  So when we saw a hammock shop that had a sign saying "No shoes or shirt required," Steve pulled right over and said "Here is your store, Eti.  Go ahead and check it out!"

In the backyard they had the world's largest hammock.

Fort Raleigh (from the 1500s)  it is really just a mound now but the story about the Roanoke Colony  is fascinating.  It drives my curiosity wild.  I do not like not having all the answers about what actually happened!

Woods at Fort Raleigh

We spent almost the entire vacation with red sunburned noses and shoulders, wind blown hair, and salty skin that smelled like coconut sunblock.  All of that sounds sooooo good to me right now!

Our home is 1100 square feet, so as you can imagine this vacation home was palatial! In the first half hour of arriving Chloe got lost on one of the decks and we could all hear her crying but could not find her. It sounds terrible but was quite funny--my Mom and Dad and Steve and I and the boys running all over the house trying to find her.

One the last day there we all played hide and go seek--kids against the adults.  My mom hid on the top bunk of a spare bedroom that no one used and fell asleep!  I hid behind a couch down in the pool table room.  It was the perfect spot because I was able to read until the kids found me.  Steve hid behind a dresser and my father hid behind the huge hot water heater in the basement.  He won.

Hot tub--pool--hot tub--beach--pool--beach--hot tub--pool--pool.  In one day. 

*My dad took this shot of us swimming in our pool at night.

My dad was training for the Army Ten-Miler and went out running every morning.  One morning Eti went with him.  He did the stretches with my dad and everything.  You can see on his face that he was taking it very seriously and so badly wanted to impress Grandpa.  When it was all over he was so tired he said "Mom please add running to my list."  Eti has a list of things he wishes were never invented--the first on the list is spinach.

My dad made him a very professional looking award for running with him and it is now hanging proudly right by Eti's bed.

*Paper airplanes in the hallway from three different stories

*I LOVE this shot of my boys.  This was taken early morning. Steve has his coffee in hand and is playing a game he and the boys invented a few years ago at Cape May.  They are playing "chase the tide" inspired by the Sandpipers that get very close to the water but never let the water actually touch them.

 Jeff's footprints look like mine--they are the same size and almost as deep. He is intense and takes everything seriously.  He walks in a straight line and with order.  Eti's footprints are hardly grounded there are no heel prints only the marks of his toes where he was sprinting.  Chloe's are a whisper--the wind blows hers away. Her prints are out of order, some show skipping, hopping on one foot, or turning and then going backwards.

*My Jeffers